"Elena Efanova dropped her fucking phone into toilet. Better call me soon before my phone dies in the poop agony."

"Does JC photography stand for jesus christ photography, because i really can't compete with that."

"When I am at a drive through and they say to me "Have a nice day." I yell "Don't tell me what to do!" and then drive away really fast."

"Life is not only about sex! C'mon now!'
'I know it's not. it's about drugs too!"

"So enough about me about me,
now you talk more about me."

"'Two Eagles, why does it take you so long to post your pics?' 'Because I'm a prick.'"

"This guy says 'ONE THING YOU'LL NOTICE ABOUT MY WORK
I NEVER TAG ANY OF MY PHOTOS NOR AM I EVER IN ANY SHOT.' So I said... 'haha. that shit is hilarious. one thing you will notice about me, you will never see me working at steak n shake.'"

"Why don't you put yourself out of my misery?"

"The other night I used my bi-sexual prowess to eat half of this gay guy's food."

"Don't call me a donut!"

"Two Eagles you made me feel like a whore."

"'What are your intentions with me?'
'I intend to have sex with you."

"My friend told me to watch out for you because he says that you have a fetish for Asian girls."

"You are the Dharma my friend, I am but your disciple." - db1

"[Two Eagles] Yeah, well... you didn't really invent collages, posing with pretty girls, or business cards, either..." - Al Gore

"When Two Eagles Marcus has sex with a man. It is not because he is gay. It is because he has run out of women."

"'That photographer guy Two Eagles is here, I want to do him.'
'Ewww... no you don't he is dirty.'
'No I do. I'm going to f*** him.'"

"The next time i see you i will translate your attractiveness into the form of lewd sexual conduct."

"Sometimes people ask me if I am going to put their head on a naked body. I am like, 'If anything it would make you look better.'"

"That's so sad -- think of all the sober children in Ethiopia."

"W.T. FUCK."

"Eat a bowl of shit. With pee sauce."

"If you have any problems with me - I'll launch a motherf***ing russian missile into your f***ing ass"

"Yeah, you asked for your money...
and then you pissed on the wall."

"Yeah, I know who you are. Stay away from me. I don't want to talk to you."

"Dood, I had to distance myself from you professionally."

"Did you and Twoey date this summer?"

"Her bigs are boober than mine."

"Cigarettes killed my dad. And raped my mom."

"Doings drugs is never a laughing matter. Unless you are doing drugs with a clown."

"Two Eagles Marcus is a fag, that is why so many girls are always around him."

"So are you Two Eagles trophy of the week?"

"Twoey! Why are you telling everyone I let you f*** me in the a**!"

"You let your girlfriend watch Playboy TV with Two Eagles Marcus?"

"Are you naked in my bed?"

"Last thing I saw was you leaving with Two Eagles... WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING!"

"Is that him? It looks like him? I don't know."

"Are you pregnant with Two Eagles baby or what?"